Decluttering Your Home When it Feels Difficult: 7 Ways to Let Go

Decluttering Your Home When it Feels Difficult: 7 Ways to Let Go

A recent conversation on a Florida beach reminded me of how difficult it can be to declutter in a society defined by compulsory consumption.

My conservation partner was a mom from Germany who had just graciously snapped a vacation photo of our family.

As we chatted, the topic of minimalism soon came up—she seemed fascinated. 

“There is such a push to buy things in America,” she said, reflectively. “You have these huge homes you need to fill and big stores like Target. If I lived by Target, I’d want a new candle or throw pillow every week.”

“It makes sense,” she continued, “that with such a drive to consume there would also be a ‘market’ in your culture for the opposite of buying — for getting rid of stuff.”

I liked her immediately. She continued to talk about European home sizes (which average around 1,000 sq. ft. compared to America’s average 2,164 sq. ft.) and how she’d been using rental companies for kids’ stuff lately (strollers, bassinets) instead of buying.

Later that day, on the drive home from the beach, I wondered…. Is our over-consumption and proclivity to hold onto stuff just a product of our culture? 

Would someone naturally live with less in a different environment (like a country without Target)?

Maybe.

Yes, cultural factors can certainly contribute to your clutter, especially clutter caused by over-consumption (and an awareness of this is good to have). But I think difficulty decluttering your home—specifically, letting go of possessions—goes beyond a cultural milieu. It is a human problem. 

Even if you downsize your home and significantly reduce your consumption of physical items, you still need to let go of the clutter you’ve already accumulated. 

And German, American, or (you fill in the blank), it seems that most humans simply aren’t wired to let go of their possessions.

Here’s why decluttering your home can feel difficult and seven tips to help you let go of your stuff.

Cognitive reasons decluttering your home can feel difficult:

·  The mere exposure effect. The more we are exposed to something, the more it will become favorable to us. We become attracted to our possessions simply by being regularly exposed to them. (I see these books every day and feel like they belong here, so I’ll keep them even though I don’t particularly like them.)

·  The status quo bias. Any decrease from the status quo is perceived as a loss, even when there are financial advantages to selling or changing things we possess. (I want to downsize my house, but I’ve always lived in one this size, so I probably won’t change.)

·  The endowment effect. We overvalue things we own simply because we have ownership. We place a higher value on an item we own than on an identical item we don’t own. (I’m keeping this outfit because it’s mine, even though I don’t really need or use it.)

Emotional reasons decluttering your home can feel difficult:

·  Guilt. We self-sabotage, making the cluttered state of our home a moral affair. We feel bad for discarding items we spent good money on. Or we feel like we should keep certain gifts we were given, even though we don’t want or use them. (I don’t want all this china, but it was my grandmother’s, so I should keep it.)

·  Fear. We’re afraid we’ll need an item in the future, so we keep it, even though we haven’t needed it in years. Sometimes our memories of a person or event are linked to an item. We fear losing the memory, so we hold on to the item. (I don’t want all these souvenir magnets from when I traveled through Europe, but I’m afraid I’ll lose the memories if I get rid of them.)

·  Self-doubt. We deploy 101 excuses for why we can’t declutter our home because deep-down we don’t truly believe we can. (I can’t really change my spending habits and keep my home clutter free.)

If decluttering your home feels difficult because of any of these reasons, here are seven tips to help you let go:

1. Recognize biases.

When faced with an item you’re struggling to let go of, dig deep. Ask yourself questions to uncover any biases. Would you buy this item today? If yes, how much would you pay for it? Do you feel like you “should” keep it or do you love or use it? Are you afraid you’ll need it in the future or fear you’ll lose a memory if you donate it? Are you worried about what someone would think if you let go of it? By addressing the real reasons you’re hanging on to an item you don’t really want, the easier it will be to let it go.

2. Get clear on your values.

As noted previously, when you’re clear on your values, letting go of your possessions becomes easier. Maybe your family is most important to you, but you feel unable to be present to them because of your cluttered home. Understanding that less stuff means more quality time with loved ones can override any of your reasons for holding on to unwanted possessions.

3. Loosen the attachment with time.

If you feel unable to let go of an item, store it away for a while. Remember we’re more biased to keep things we see daily (per the mere-exposure effect mentioned previously). After a couple of months, revisit the item. See if your attachment has loosened and you’re now able to let it go.

4. Realize memories stay when possessions go.

Physical possessions can trigger memories, but remember that your memories are stored in your mind, not in your stuff. And there are ways to continue enjoying those memories without the possessions. Take pictures of items before donating them. Or keep a minimal amount—say, one china teacup instead of all twelve. Realize that when you let go of an item, you’re freeing up physical and mental space, allowing you to live more fully in the moment and make new memories.

5. Forget other people’s opinions.

Avoid owning items simply to keep up with the Joneses. Status symbols aren’t worth keeping. If you’re holding on to something because it was a gift, remember the gift has already fulfilled its purpose of expressing love. You’ve said thank you, felt the love, and are now free to let it go if you don’t need or like it.

6. Overcome guilt with gratitude.

Decluttering guru Marie Kondo suggests using gratitude to help overcome guilt. She says that many people may feel guilty when letting go of items, but expressing gratitude toward the items you relinquish will dramatically lessen the feeling of guilt. Thanking an item for how it has served you helps reduce guilt, which helps you let go.

7. Tap into trust.

If you’re holding on to something simply because you’re afraid you’ll need it in the future, consider trusting that you will have what you need when you need it. Say, for example, you own fifteen cookbooks, really use only two, and keep the rest just in case you need a recipe from them sometime. Trust that you’ll find a good recipe online instead, and let the unused books go.

In conclusion

Even if we downsize our home or slash our consumption, to live in a decluttered home, we still need to be able to let go of our stuff.

Our human nature can make relinquishing possessions downright hard at times—even possessions that are unwanted and unloved.

Many of us simply aren’t naturally wired to let go of our stuff. But neither are we wired to be weighed down by trinkets and tchotchkes—enter the stress, anxiety, and even spiritual numbness.

Thankfully, there are tools that can help us overcome these decluttering barriers.

If you feel like decluttering your home is difficult, my hope is that you can use the tools above to finally let go.

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Julia Ubbenga is a freelance journalist. Her teachings on minimalism, simplicity, and intentional living have reached over 1M people worldwide through her blog. Julia also practices what she preaches in her Kansas City home. She resides with her husband and their four extremely lively young children. You can also find her on Facebook.

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