3 Myths of Ownership that are Keeping You from a Decluttered Life

Early on in my minimalism journey, I realized that to live a decluttered life I needed an ownership audit.  

To let go of unused stuff—and to halt its constant influx—first called for a “thorough examination of my accumulation motives.” In short, I needed to understand why I owned what I owned.

But ownership, as it turns out, is obscure territory. If we simply bought and kept things out of necessity, its nebulosity would subside. Thanks to advertising-derived social pressures and trends, not to mention the ease of “buy now” buttons, parsing out the “whys” behind our purchasing habits isn’t always straightforward.

To finally declutter my life, I needed to look deeper.

So, I began my audit gently, watching my consumption in an observing-but-not-judging way. I considered my emotional state, my aspirations, and my fears. 

When another pair of shoes was scheduled to arrive at my doorstep in two days, I realized I was simply trying to stifle restlessness. When I wouldn’t donate unworn clothes that no longer fit my lifestyle, I realized I was hanging on “just in case” out of an irrational fear that I might need them again in the future. 

In Courtney Carver’s book Soulful Simplicity, she outlines three myths of ownership (it’s chapter 9—you may just want to pause this article and go grab it instead—so good).

Carver writes, “The process of letting go will become much easier when you take the time to understand why you own what you own and how it got there in the first place.”

Understanding and uprooting these ownership myths, or false beliefs that cause us to accumulate and hold on to stuff instead of letting it go, is vital for living a light, decluttered life. 

Here are 3 myths of ownership to uproot for a decluttered life:

Myth #1: Aspirational Ownership

Aspirational ownership—buying things for the person you wish you were/lifestyle wish you had—needs uprooted to live a decluttered life. Carver recommends using the following sentence to detect this myth:

“If I own _______, I will be, look, or feel ______.”

For example, “If I own camping equipment, I will be outdoorsy.” Or, “If I own the right outfit, I will be important.” Or, “If I own the right furniture, I will have more people over and be more social.”

Myth buster: You don’t need new stuff to be, look, or feel a different way. Often, these aspirations are based on societal expectations, not your inner guidance. Focus on the internal first, and then align your outer environment with who you truly are. Carver writes, “When you get rid of that stuff, you begin to understand who you are and what you truly want out of life.”

Myth #2: Pain-Avoidance Ownership

To live a decluttered life, you need an awareness of shopping habits that stem from pain. Purchasing to numb pain is often compulsive and accompanied by a dopamine-rush. Before minimalism, shopping was one of my “go-tos” to placate hard feelings—buying does temporarily change brain chemistry. Eventually, I racked up $40,000 in consumer debt. When I thought about the debt I felt bad, so I bought something new, perpetuating the cycle. 

Carver highlights three places where pain-avoidance ownership can stem from. 

Boredom

When life feels mundane or you ostensibly have nothing to do, shopping can drum up some temporary excitement. But “hitting the mall” or scrolling Amazon are low-quality ways to fill time in comparison to calling a friend, creating, going for a walk, or other high quality leisure activities. 

If your goal is to declutter your life, spend “bored moments” going through your possessions and giving them to someone in need. Generosity, and completing a decluttering project, both boost brain chemistry in a way that rivals purchasing something new. Also, instead of accumulating more stuff when you’re bored, try engaging in things you already own. Pick up that book you’ve been wanting to start. Write a letter to a loved one. Lace up your hiking books and head outside. 

Carver writes, “When you get rid of your stuff, you can start to decide how you really want to spend your time, and the last thing you’ll want to do is kill it at the mall.” 

Distractions/Procrastination 

Shopping can be used to avoid difficult projects or distract us from uncomfortable feelings/needs. The field of psychology uses the acronym HALTS to describe states when we’re more likely to act in an undesired way (in this case, impulse spending leading to unintentional ownership). HALTS stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, and Sad/Sick/Stressed.

The next time you buy something, ask yourself “If I wasn’t __________ (fill in the blank: lonely, tired, sad, etc…), would I still buy this item?” If no, then don’t buy it. If yes, then wait 24 hours, and see if you still need it before purchasing. 

Distracting ourselves from our true needs with shopping is counterproductive. Carver writes, “What we have to remember… is that the distraction is always temporary, and the pain is often more severe when compounded with buyer’s remorse.”

Guilt

Relationship guilt can spur impulsive ownership. For example, if you’ve been distracted or overly busy lately and important relationships have been overlooked, you may attempt to remedy them through gift giving. And while out shopping or scrolling, you may include a few unintentional purchases for yourself. 

You don’t need to use stuff to mend relationships. Carver writes that spending money on loved ones “will make them smile for a moment, but what they really want is you. They deserve more than stuff and so do you. Spending time with the people you love doesn’t have to cost anything.”

Myth #3: Just-in-case Ownership

Purchasing and holding onto “just in case” items will keep you from living a decluttered life.

Carver writes that one reason we hold on to things just in case is because we don’t finish the sentence. Sure, it’s easy to say we will keep something just in case. But just in case what? Articulate what you think might happen. Say it out loud to yourself. Say it out loud in front of other people. The more you get your justification out in the open, the more reason you can apply to it. 

You: “I need to keep seven spatulas in my kitchen just in case… some of them break.”

Also you (after completing the sentence and saying it out loud): “Have I ever actually broken a spatula? No. Okay, two will do.”

Filling in the blank—not only in your mind, but also verbally—reduces the chance you will make a purely emotional decision to keep something you don’t actually need or love. In the words of Carver, “just in case” actually means “never.” You’re likely not going to use or need the item again, so let it go.

Conclusion

If you’re having a hard time decluttering your life or slowing the influx of stuff into your home, consider an ownership audit. Are you buying and holding onto things because you want to be someone you’re not? Because you want to avoid pain? Or because you are afraid you won’t have enough?

Identify the ownership myths that need to be decluttered from your life so that you can finally let go.

Carver writes, “I’m not opposed to owning things, but looking back, I see that everything I owned, owned me right back.”

Here’s to auditing our ownership, truly understanding why we own what we do, and choosing to only hold on to items that support a lighter, decluttered, more meaningful life.

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Julia Ubbenga is a freelance journalist whose teachings on minimalism, simplicity, and intentional living have reached thousands of people worldwide through her blog. Julia also practices what she preaches in her Kansas City home. She resides with her husband, two extremely lively young daughters, three-year-old son, and baby girl. You can also find her on Instagram.

Do you want to get serious about decluttering your life? My signature course will show you how to declutter your inner and outer environment for good. Now is the time to choose change. Now is the time to live lighter. Learn more here.