Stuck Thinking “I’ll be Happy When . . . ?” Here’s How to Pivot. (And Find Joy in the Journey)
Ever catch yourself living with the “I’ll be happy when” mentality?
If you’re thinking yes, then you’re not alone.
It could be a new possession that we’re looking toward. “I’ll be happy when I get that new car.”
It could be a future time we’re yearning for. “I’ll be happy when life is back to normal.”
It could be a goal we’re working toward. “I’ll be happy when my house is completely decluttered.”
For me, it was money. “I’ll be happy when I make seven figures.”
I ran basketball camps and decided I could reach my financial goal doing this over a span of 10 years. I attacked this goal relentlessly, running camps in over 30 countries, sleeping in airports, on couches, and in every condition under the sun.
I was on a treasure hunt and only once I hit that X on my map could I relax, take time off, slow down and enjoy myself. Only when I’d made it.
I funneled all my time, effort, and energy into achieving wealth. Nothing was going to stop me. This was the surefire way to endless happiness
Until one day, after making the largest amount of money I’d ever made on a camp, I felt . . . deflated. Wasn’t I supposed to feel excited, joyful, overcome with happiness?
Sitting at my favorite coffee shop in north Sydney, reflecting on my life, I realized something.
Life isn’t about what we achieve, it isn’t about the end goal we are shooting for, it’s about the journey and the process of getting there. And if we don’t enjoy it along the way, we’ve missed the entire point.
We aren’t promised tomorrow, but so often we are living for it. We’re missing the treasure in the here and now, focused on the future.
So how do we pivot out of this “I’ll be happy when” mentality and find true joy in our journey?
Through mindset shifts. We may not be able to change our circumstances, but we can always make small changes in our mindset.
Here are 5 mindset shifts to help you pivot out of the “I’ll be happy when” mentality and find joy in the journey.
1. Rid yourself of comparison
We all know that comparing ourselves to others can steal our joy and leave us feeling unworthy. There will always be someone who is a little bit better, a little bit more experienced, a little more successful, and a little more (fill in the blank) than you. Wanting what others have causes us to overlook our God-given talents or to think we need to own something bigger and better to be happy.
Next time you’re tempted to compare yourself with others, try thinking of something you admire or are proud of in someone you love. Make a commitment to pivot to these admirable thoughts each time you find yourself falling into unhealthy comparison traps—you’ll be amazed how quickly you can train your brain and shed the comparison mindset!
2. Choose your treasure
The value of our treasure, the things we consider most important in life, will continue to rise in our minds as we pursue it. What we appreciate actually appreciates.
Only you can choose your treasure. If you decide your treasure is money, possessions, or success, then you’ll be left unsettled, always wanting more. If you decide it’s spending time with loved ones, working a job you enjoy each day, helping your community, being grateful for the smallest gifts, and knowing that you have all you need right now, in this very moment, then you will be seeking a treasure worth more than gold. Identify your treasures, the things that matter most, and pursue them.
3. Be okay with quitting
We can become stuck thinking we’ll be happy when something changes, when what we need to do is take action. There’s no excuse to grind it out and go through life on autopilot. I’m not saying quitting is always the solution, but when it’s our lives, when it’s the loss of another precious day to something we don’t want to give our precious days to, then it’s worth considering.
Life is an adventure—enjoy it. If you’re not excited about the mission you are on, if you don’t find any pleasure in the outcome you’re anticipating, then it’s time to flip the script. We are not robots; we are given the power of choice! Think of the things in your life that you can change. What do you need to let go of to live more fully today?
4. Ask yourself “How can I turn this situation into a positive experience?”
When a situation isn’t going how you’d hoped, ask yourself how you can turn it into a positive experience. Take dreaded obligations (bills you need to pay, a phone call you need to return) and make them meaningful in your life and helpful for others. Perhaps you can pay the bills while watching a movie with your kids—or better yet, while teaching your kids how to pay bills and where money comes from. Making the mundane meaningful increases your joy in the moment and keeps you from looking to the future for happiness.
5. Find purpose in struggles
Wishing things were different locks us into survival mode instead of thriving. We are all going to have struggles throughout our lives. More than likely, we are going to have struggles daily (especially in this unprecedented time). Remember that you have made it through every hard day you’ve ever lived. The confidence we gain by going through challenging times, knowing we will make it through no matter what gets thrown our way, makes life even better. We come out the other side stronger, with an even deeper knowledge of our true selves. The next time life throws something difficult your way, remember it’s happening for a reason and you will be stronger for it.
Whether it be possessions, money, or even a completely decluttered home, if we think our happiness lies in a future change or achievement, then we’re missing out on the joy that can be found in the present.
Let’s work to pivot our mindset daily and live finding joy in our journey instead of thinking “I’ll be happy when.”
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David Nurse is an NBA life optimization coach, bestselling author, and worldwide motivational speaker.
He is the author of the bestselling book Pivot and Go. (Rich in What Matters readers, get the book here and enter pivot2020 for a 30% discount!)
As a former professional basketball player (both international and domestic) and coach for the Brooklyn Nets, David has helped more than 150 NBA players with their personal and professional development both on and off the court. David is considered to be one of the top mindset development coaches working in the NBA. He has also been invited to speak in more than 50 different countries on the topics of overall personal development, confidence building, leadership, and motivational growth. David coaches CEO’s and High Performers of all walks of life and has spoken to Fortune 500 Companies such as Nestle, State Farm, Vivint, & Nike. David resides in Marina del Rey, California, and is married to the love of his life, the stunning actress Taylor Kalupa.
You can find David on Instagram and Twitter @DavidNurseNBA, Facebook, and YouTube. He hosts The 1% Podcast and offers online life optimization courses.