Setting Gift-Giving Guidelines for a Minimalist Holiday Season

Minimalist Holiday Season

A question I frequently hear from readers aspiring to live a more minimalist holiday season goes like this:

“How do you handle holiday gifts? I especially struggle every year to keep toys to a minimum. What can I say to loved ones to let them know that we don’t need all the stuff?”

Sound familiar?

The first Christmas after our family began living a minimalist lifestyle, I found myself asking the same question.  

While I love all things Christmas and the tradition of gift-giving, living minimally had dramatically changed the way we viewed possessions and holiday purchasing. I knew we’d have to put guidelines on gift-giving for Christmas to align with our simpler lifestyle.

With two kids, both who have birthdays around the holidays, we easily were on track to inherit over 50 new items that year. At the time, we lived in a cozy, 1,000 square foot home and we didn’t have the space (or the need) for an unchecked influx of new stuff.

I knew I had to say something to our loved ones, even if the conversation seemed unconventional.

But how? Would my extended family and in-laws be offended if I requested fewer gifts for our girls? What about people whose love language was gift-giving—certainly they would be upset, right?

I mulled over the questions and came up with a way to gently explain my “less is more” philosophy around gifts to my extended family. 

I use the same three-part formula every year to keep excess stuff (and stress) to a minimum during the holidays. It’s a positive approach that has helped keep our Christmas more simple, calm, and more meaningful.

Here’s how to set gift-giving guidelines for a minimalist holiday season:

1. Express your gratitude

The fact that family and friends want to buy things for you or your children is, first and foremost, a blessing. Gift-giving is, after all, an act of love. These people love you and your children and they want to show you that love.

Start your gift-giving conversation with a smile and a “thank you” (see full examples below). Using gratitude while setting gift-giving guidelines for a minimalist holiday season can help limit what’s purchased while letting gift-givers still feel appreciated. 

2. Find ‘your why’ before talking

Take some time to reflect—even journal—on why you want a simpler Christmas. Why do you want fewer gifts given this year? 

Maybe you just had your third baby and the idea of managing a lot of new stuff sounds overwhelming. Maybe your family just moved into a smaller house and you don’t have space for much more. Or, maybe you want to help shift your children’s focus to family togetherness at Christmas instead of counting the number of gifts they receive. 

Understanding why you want to simplify gift-giving will help you be more confident and consistent when approaching your loved ones about it.

3. Tell people what you’d like them to do (instead of telling them what not to do)

For a more minimalist holiday season, tell family members what you or your children would love to receive. Be specific. Our kids make a list of a few items that they would love, and then, around the first of December, I begin sharing it with grandparents. 

Grandparents buy several items on the list per child, and then, as parents, we give our kids “experience gifts” (a day ice skating at a downtown rink, a walk through the botanical garden’s light display with hot chocolate, a trip to an indoor water park). 

This keeps the season focused on family and ensures our time won’t be consumed by shopping for gifts. I can only remember one or two Christmas gifts I received as a child. But I do remember baking Christmas cookies with my mom, family Christmas movies on the couch, and outings to see Santa. It’s the moments, not the gifts, that mean the most.

The Formula

To have a more minimalist holiday season, you will need to have a conversation with your loved ones about gift-giving. The formula I’ve found most effective looks like this: Be grateful + state your why + tell people what you’d like them to do (instead of what you don’t want them to do). Here are some examples of what you could say:

“We are blessed that you want to buy our girls gifts. With two kids now, we’d love a family zoo pass. They’d love this gift so much!”

Or

“We are so grateful that you want to give our children many wonderful gifts. Our home is already feeling full of toys right now, and our girls are really into baking. They’d absolutely love new ingredients!” 

We have asked aunts, uncles, and cousins not to give our family anything for Christmas, which all have happily agreed to. If you think someone may be buying for your family out of obligation, give them the option of opting out of gift-giving completely. You can give each other the gift of not having to buy gifts.

In conclusion

Ultimately you can’t control what people will purchase—even after you’ve announced your minimalist manifesto to extended family, loved ones may still want to give you and your kids more stuff. But you can control your outlook and decide to be grateful.

You also control what you decide to keep in your home after the holidays. The purpose of a gift is to show love. Once a gift is opened and the love behind it has been appreciated, then the gift has served its purpose. If it’s not something that’s being used or loved at home, you can donate it so someone else can use or love it.

Keeping this three-step formula in mind when talking to family has worked wonders in limiting Christmas gifts and making giving more intentional.

Instead of bringing suitcases full of random toys home from holiday gatherings, we now bring home select items our children cherish and use throughout the year.

Instead of being distracted during the holidays and worried about my upcoming role as “new stuff manager,” I am now able to enjoy time with family more deeply and better give others the gift of my presence. 

And that alone, I’ve found, has made setting loving, gift-giving guidelines worth it.

***

Julia Ubbenga is a freelance journalist. Her teachings on minimalism, simplicity, and intentional living have reached over 1M people worldwide through her blog. Julia also practices what she preaches in her Kansas City home. She resides with her husband and their four extremely lively young children. You can also find her on Facebook.

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