A Minimalist “No”vember

This time of year, a certain quote that I love surfaces within online minimalist communities:

“No”vember: A time to practice saying no to people, places, and things that drain you—and a time to say YES to the things that fill you up. -Erica Layne

Before minimalism, my final two months of the year were a whirlwind of activity. Of purchasing, rushing, and squeezing in just one more “to-do.” In short, the days were a blur. 

I’d resurface before New Year’s Day, breaking the frenetic pace just long enough to wonder why I was so exhausted and why, if someone asked me how the holidays were, I felt uneasy. And then couldn’t reply in detail.

I wanted to remember those months—to soak up the conversations with rarely seen extended family and memorize my children’s expressions as they witnessed the wonder of the season.

But over-committing and excessive “yes” saying quickly removed any capacity for that. 

Until I decided to adopt a minimalist “No”vember.

Minimalism—which I would simply define as intentionally making space for the things that matter by letting go of the things that don’t—applied to more than just my stuff. It also included my schedule. 

A minimalist “No”vember goes beyond an uncluttered home and sets the tone for your holiday season. Even if the main living areas of your home are clutter free, if your calendar is still packed, you won’t be enjoying the season as planned.

Here are 5 ways to practice a minimalist “No”vember. 

1. Identify what you need to say no to

To practice a minimalist “No”vember, start by asking yourself, “Is there any calendar clutter I need to remove to make space in my schedule to enjoy this season the way I envisioned?” A shorter version of this question may be, “What do I need to say no to?”

In her book The Best Yes, Lysa TerKeurst says, “Whenever you say ‘yes’ to something, there is less of you for something else. Make sure your ‘yes’ is worth the less.”

Read that again. Saying yes to heading the trivia night fundraiser at your kid’s school might mean less time at home with them. Saying yes to an extra project at work might mean less energy for your daily duties. So ask yourself, “Is the yes worth the less?” Remember that when we say no, we give others the opportunity to step up and say yes.

2. Adopt a clear “yes”

A minimalist “No”vember involves crystal-clear yeses.

To live a purpose-filled, intentional holiday season requires reconciling ourselves with the reality of our limitations. We can’t do it all, nor are we called to. 

In Essentialism, Greg McKeown recommends saying yes only if the commitment is something you feel 100 percent called to. He says, “If it isn’t a clear yes, then it’s a clear no.” Note that a clear yes doesn’t always mean a comfortable yes. Could God call us to vacate our comfort zone at times and answer a call that requires full reliance on him? Absolutely.

3. Learn how to say no

Practicing a minimalist “No”vember means learning how to say no. For many of us, this might not come as second nature. Here are my four favorite tips for saying “no”:

• Use the words “I won’t” or “I have decided not to” instead of “I can’t” or “I shouldn’t.” These words emphasize that you have made a choice.
• Use a calm, firm voice. Slow your rate of speech and lower your pitch. You can tell anyone anything in the right tone of voice.
• Be as brief as possible when saying no. You might want to offer a legitimate reason for your refusal, but do not go into long, elaborate excuses. 
• Use the broken record technique if the person you are refusing continues to persist. Again, do not use excuses. (Ex. “No, I’m not able to. Right now, no, I’m not able to.”)

4. Recognize how daily activities make you feel

Living a minimalist “No”vember involves developing an awareness of how daily activities make you feel.

Consider writing a list of the things you do daily. Think about which activities nourish you, lift your mood, and make you feel calm or energized (this could include: walking outside in the sunshine, connecting with loved ones, or mindfully eating a healthy meal). Mark an “N” next to those activities on your list for “nourishing.”

Next, think about which moments deplete you, zapping your energy or motivation (this could include: unintentional scrolling, rushing in any form, or binge watching shows). These are likely moments that you’re just coasting through and not actually feeling alive or awake to. Mark a “D” next to those activities on your list for “depleting.”

Feel more nourished and less depleted this holiday season by saying “no” the activities that you marked with a “D.” If there are depleting activities that you can’t avoid, brainstorm ways to make them more enjoyable. Could you give yourself more time to do a certain task and then do it mindfully instead of rushing through it?

Saving your “yeses” for nourishing activities means living this season more meaningfully and intentionally.

5. Commit to slowing down

A minimalist “No”vember involves saying “no” to hurry and rushing—both are the antithesis to a mindful, life-giving season.

Instead, ask yourself how you want to feel during the holidays. Maybe your answer is: grounded, connected, or present. Now commit to eschewing anything fast-paced. 

You may even want to come up with a mantra to repeat through the day to ward off hurry. (Ex. “This is not urgent. I can take my time.” Or, “I deserve to move at a pace that supports me.”)

Often, our nervous systems operate on overdrive when: our to-do lists feel overwhelming, we’re experiencing a time crunch, or the people around us are stressed and rushing. Use your mantra (along with several deep breaths) to ward off fight-or-flight mode, stay present, and move at a healthy pace.

In conclusion

Practicing a minimalist “No”vember means accepting that our homes and our lives only have a certain amount of space. It’s our job to choose carefully what we allow to fill them—especially during the holidays. We’re the only ones who can know our capacity and design a life within it.

Too many unintentional “yeses” leave us feeling overwhelmed and spread too thin. Soon, we have less of ourselves to pour into the things that truly matter.

So this “No”vember, go minimalist. 

Choose one of the five points above that resonates with you and begin saying NO to what drains you and YES to the things that fill you up.

Your life—and your holiday season—will feel more aligned, meaningful, and enjoyable for it.

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Julia Ubbenga is a freelance journalist. Her teachings on minimalism, simplicity, and intentional living have reached over 1M people worldwide through her blog. Julia also practices what she preaches in her Kansas City home. She resides with her husband and their four extremely lively young children. You can also find her on Facebook.

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