One Mindset Hack to Help You Declutter Your Home in 2023

A month into my minimalist journey, I quickly became disillusioned.

Before “going minimalist” I’d devoured books and blog posts about person after person who had let go of well-over half of their superfluous belongings.

And each account made it sound easy.

Emma, a school teacher in Oregon, decided to live minimally so she let go of 70% of her possessions. Done. 

Simon, a writer in Texas, decided minimalism was for him so within months he’d whittled his belongings down to 200 items. Aaand, done. 

Minimalism-made-easy. It was the theme I’d read time and time again. (You can listen to my minimalist story here to learn how we let go of 75% of our possessions!)

Until I soon realized something. There was no magic minimalism fairy who was going to hover above my house, sprinkle decluttering dust, and make every possession I no longer used or loved disappear. 

Going minimalist wasn’t that easy. In fact, it wasn’t easy at all. 

But my self-talk continued to be convinced it was. I still had this flood of expectations that fueled “shoulds” in my mind.

“This should be easy”

“I should have a more decluttered home by now.”

“I should know how to do this faster.”

My interior voice was holding my decluttering efforts to an unrealistically high standard. And it was hindering my progress.

The truth about “should”

We have up to 50,000 self-talk thoughts a day and 80% of them are negative. Every thought we have creates a chemical reaction in our brain, contributing to whether we feel stressed or relaxed.

Dr. Daniel Amen coined nine categories of automatic negative thoughts (ANTs). One example is “guilt beating” thoughts, which are self-talk thoughts that include “should, must, and have to.” 

”Guilt beating” self-talk needs to be decluttered from our lives before we can effectively declutter our home. To remove these negative self-talk thoughts, Amen suggests catching the thought and replacing it with a truth statement. 

How “should” hinders your decluttering 

“Shoulding” self-talk turns decluttering into a burden. Truth statements make decluttering an opportunity.

For example: “I should have a more decluttered home by now,” could be replaced by, “This project takes time. I’m working at it daily and will get the results I want.”

Or, “I should declutter my home,” could be replaced by, “I want to declutter my home because then I’ll have more time and energy to focus on who and what matters.”

Each thought creates a different physiological response in your brain, resulting in a different feeling, and ultimately, different action. Truthful self-talk keeps you motivated to declutter instead of leaving you frustrated and defeated.

A wardrobe example 

One of the most effective things I did to expedite my decluttering journey was to clear my self-talk of should statements. Here’s a specific example of this mindset hack’s efficacy:

Say you’re tackling your wardrobe, donate-bag in hand. You’re deciding the fate of a sweater that was a gift from your mother-in-law. It’s itchy, never has been a perfect fit, and, try as you may, you can’t completely love it. As you reach to place it in the donate bag, your self-talk interrupts.

“I should keep this. My mother-in-law wants me to have this. It was a gift. I really should keep it.”

And on the hanger it stays—until you catch that self-talk thought and counter it with a truth statement. 

“This sweater isn’t serving me anymore. My mother-in-law loves me and would want me to keep things that support my best life. I’ll let this sweater go and let someone else use it.”

You grab the irksome sweater, place it in the donate bag, and have successfully decluttered—all because of your revamped self-talk. 

Shift your self-talk 

If “shoulding” self-talk is showing up in your life, it’s time to start talking back. Reaching your decluttering goals depends on it. 

Begin by eavesdropping. What is it that you’re actually telling yourself? When you decide to keep an item, is there a “should” statement involved? If so, it’s highly unlikely that decision was rooted in truth. 

Identify the self-talk thoughts that aren’t serving you (you may want to write them out when starting this practice). Catch them. Then replace them.

Once I finally put my self-talk in its place and silenced the “shoulds” decluttering began to flow.

The goal of minimalism is to promote the things that matter. To give them space in your life by letting go of the things that don’t. 

You deserve to live a life focused on who and what matters. A life in line with your values. If you’re listening to outside “shoulds” instead of inner truths, an authentic, clutter-free life will be hard to craft. 

This year, let’s tune into our self-talk, root our thoughts in truth, and make decluttering happen.

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I talk much more in-depth about this mindset hack (and share my minimalist story) on this podcast. Be sure to check it out if this topic resonated with you!

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Julia Ubbenga is a freelance journalist whose teachings on minimalism, simplicity, and intentional living have reached thousands of people worldwide through her blog. Julia practices what she preaches in her Kansas City home with her husband, two extremely lively young daughters, two-year-old son, and six-month-old baby girl. You can also find her on Instagram and now also on Facebook.

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I want to help you design a simple, intentional life! I’ve created a 30-day course that will guide and inspire you to make actual change in your life by decluttering your home, heart and schedule. It’s time to live focused on what matters! Learn more HERE.