Two Questions to Ask Yourself to Avoid Overspending This Holiday Season
My one experience with Black Friday shopping more closely resembled a high school sociology experiment than an actual shopping trip.
My brother and I, home from college for the holidays, set out it my green Pontiac Bonneville the evening of Thanksgiving.
Our destination? The Best Buy parking lot.
The store was closed, given the holiday, but the line of people eagerly awaiting the grand, 5 a.m. Black Friday opening wove down the sidewalk all the way to the neighboring Baskin Robins.
The sight was incredible. It rivaled a Chief’s tailgate with scores of blankets, folding chairs, and warm drinks. Some shoppers even schlepped tents.
My brother, who could have had a career in either acting or broadcasting, began selectively yelling interview questions to attentive onlookers as we slowly drove by.
“What are you in line for?” He’d ask. “Wow! A 42 inch LCD flat screen TV!” Echoing back their excitement, he’d continue.
“How long have you been waiting in line?” He couldn’t help but recast their answers. “Five hours! And you’re going to wait eight more? Amazing!”
He’d pepper them about their strategy. And what would happen if they didn’t get their prized possession.
I, meanwhile, remained highly entertained in the passenger seat, recording spontaneous videos while trying my best not to explode with laughter at his antics.
After our drive-by interviews, we’d had enough of Black Friday and returned home—satisfied with our free entertainment and incredulous that people would commit over 12 hours of their life, braving the cold, for a good deal on a TV.
Black Friday has changed since my college days 15 years ago. What used to be a one-day marathon has morphed into a five-day event that spans from Thanksgiving Day to Cyber Monday. But the premise remains the same: start your holidays on a purchasing high after snagging a prized possession at an amazing price.
But how much are we really saving? Anything we consume—regardless of the sale price—in turn consumes our time, energy, and attention.
And what does that say about our culture if the day after we gratefully focus on our abundance, we set off seeking more and more stuff. How satisfied are we truly on Thanksgiving Day?
The average Black Friday shopper plans to spend near $400 during that five day period. And 186 million Americans shopped during this time last year. You can do the math—we are spending billions over one weekend.
This year, it’s predicted that online Cyber Week sales (Thanksgiving through Cyber Monday spending) will hit $36 billion.
But here’s the catch. The problem isn’t simply consumption. We all have needs and meeting them through purchases is far from pernicious. The problem lies in compulsive consumption.
So how do we avoid overspending and buying without intention this holiday season?
By asking ourselves these two questions:
1. What need am I trying to meet with this purchase?
The first step is to identify the need we are hoping to meet through our purchasing behavior. The field of psychology has long studied human needs and behavior. Maslow, in his hierarchy of needs, lists our deficiency needs as: physiological (food, water), safety, belonging, and esteem.
Our basic (deficiency) needs must first be met for us to feel content, satisfied, and, ultimately, happy. Again, consumption at its core isn’t the issue. We need to purchase food, water, clothing, and shelter. The problem arises when we try to meet a higher level need (belonging, esteem) with a lower level need (clothing, shelter).
If we’re purchasing designer shoes because we feel we need to “fit it” in a certain setting, this ultimately won’t work. A physical purchase (the shoes) won’t fulfill our actual need (belonging). Attempting to meet higher level needs (like belonging) with physical things (shoes) just leaves us looking for our next purchase because we are still striving to satisfy our unmet need.
By identifying the core need behind our desire to purchase something, we recognize that a new possession isn’t what we truly needed all along.
2. How can I meet that same need without buying anything?
After we’ve identified our true need behind our purchase, then we ask: “How can I meet this need without buying anything?” Say you want to buy more toys for your child. You recognize you want to buy her more because you want to feel connected to her. This is actually a need for belonging.
How else could you meet this need? Go on a walk with your child, go out for coffee with her, or spend 10 minutes giving her your complete attention (perhaps while watching her play with what she already has). A need for connection can be met in many ways—it doesn’t have to involve buying new stuff.
Say you want to upgrade to an 85 inch TV so that when you have people over they will be both entertained and impressed. This is actually a need for esteem—to be socially accepted and respected by others.
How else could you meet this need? Could you volunteer with those people and help support a cause you feel passionate about? Could you spend quality time with them and have a conversation that goes beyond surface level? Or, maybe you’re just spending time with the wrong people. Those who truly accept and respect you will do so because you’re you—not because of what you own.
Author Joshua Becker said, “If you are not content today, there is nothing you can buy tomorrow to change that.”
While there’s nothing inherently wrong with buying something because we want and love it, more stuff won’t ultimately meet our higher needs or make us happy.
Experiment with the two questions above this holiday season. See if you can identify your actual need and then understand the root cause of your behavior before impulsively purchasing an item. Then take action to address your need in a way that meets it more deeply and sustainably than shopping.
When we shop intentionally, with deep understanding of our actions, we avoid overspending and welcome into our homes items that truly support our best life.
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Julia Ubbenga is a freelance journalist whose teachings on minimalism, simplicity, and intentional living have reached thousands of people worldwide through her blog. Julia practices what she preaches in her Kansas City apartment home with her husband, two extremely lively young daughters, and one-year-old son. You can also find her on Instagram.
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