How to Motivate Your School-Age Child to Declutter: A Lesson in Generosity

We’re three months away from moving day, which means I’ve begun to take a hard, close look at the possessions in our minimalist home.

While I’m already in the habit of scanning a space and asking if the items in eyesight support our life or detract from it, an upcoming move has me taking mantainace decluttering mode up a notch.

I’ve been decluttering books, sentimental items, old baby clothes, you name it. Even my husband has been selling unneeded golf clubs.

The compulsion to purge has felt almost contagious within our family. 

With one exception: our seven-year-old daughter.

Anytime I approached her with an enthusiastic “Let’s get rid of some of your stuff before we move!” it was met with an apathetic or annoyed “No thanks, Mom.”

No matter how enticing I made decluttering sound or how energetically I modeled it, I could not pique her interest. Not even a bit.

This was a problem. 

I didn’t want to donate my seven-year-old’s stuff for her for two reasons. First, I didn’t know which items she no longer loved—only she knew that. I could have done a clean sweep of her room, but that was her stuff, not mine.

Second, I wanted her to live out generosity by considering the needs of those beyond the roof of her own home. I knew she would experience joy by giving away superfluous items to someone in need. 

The opportunity was ripe for teaching solidarity. But no matter how much positive energy I mustered, I just could not sway her into reconsidering her possessions.

Until I realized something. Any approach that hinted at “Decluttering Dictator” was a dead end street.

She needed one thing in this situation: complete ownership.

Here’s what I did:

I entered her room, lime green reusable shopping bag in hand, and sat next to her on her bed. She looked up from her book, giving me her complete attention. 

“You know,” I began slowly, “We’ve been very blessed to have everything we need. Many kids don’t. Some kids don’t even have toys. Here’s a bag for you. If you see something in your room you don’t need anymore, feel free to put it in the bag. Next week I’ll be taking a load of stuff to help out these children. If you have anything you want to add, I can take it then, too.”

I smiled, stood up, and hung the bag over her chair. I turned to leave.

“Have you ever met any kids like that, Mom?” she asked me. Surprised, I sat back down and explained the situations I had. I spoke of the low income families in south San Antonio that I used to serve as a speech therapist. Rats used to scurry across the floor during sessions. And their homes certainly had no “toy room.”

Her eyes had widened—so had her world view. I left the room, leaving her with her bag and her thoughts.

A while later, I was working in the kitchen. She sauntered by, smiling. 

“Mom, you haven’t happened to check my green bag lately, have you?” she asked, clearly proud but playing it cool.

I told her I hadn’t known she wanted me to check it and that I happily would. Peeking in, I saw her Dominoes game now sat in the bottom of the bag.

“I bet a girl who doesn’t have toys would like this,” she said. I agreed, affirming her generosity.

She continued to fill that bag with everything from Play Doh to a pink skirt she had once been obsessed with at age four.

I was amazed. This “giving ownership” idea had actually worked. She was pleased with her decluttering and showed that bag to her dad, her grandma, and her babysitter before donation day.

When I returned from the donation trip to Big Brothers, Big Sisters, we looked up a picture of a seven-year-old girl on the organization’s website. We decided she’d love the pink skirt and wondered aloud if she knew how to play Dominoes.

My seven-year-old’s mind had shifted into service mode simply because I had changed my expectations and approach. When letting go of possessions became her own project—instead of my project—she was completely on board. 

She learned the positive effect choosing generosity could have on others. 

And I learned my own lesson on letting go. Decluttering didn’t need to happen on my terms. If I would have forced my daughter to declutter, she would have missed the meaning behind her actions.

If you’re looking to motivate your child to declutter, then make it an open invitation. Don’t expect them to act right away, but given childrens’ natural inclination toward generosity, I’m guessing you won’t have to wait long. 

Give your child the opportunity to be generous, and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. 

As I learned, sometimes a slight change in our approach can make all the difference.

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Julia Ubbenga is a freelance journalist whose teachings on minimalism, simplicity, and intentional living have reached thousands of people worldwide through her blog. Julia practices what she preaches in her Kansas City apartment home with her husband, two extremely lively young daughters, and 10-month-old son. You can also find her on Instagram.

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