Four Words to Avoid for a More Intentional Life

Last weekend I was at the library, preparing for a 12-hour road trip to Texas by perusing the DVD section.

After stuffing my bag with as many semi-educational kids shows as I could manage, I headed down a narrow aisle toward checkout.

Standing mid-aisle was the librarian—probably early 20s, reshelving books at a record pace. As I approached I almost regretted having to interrupt his reshelving flow with an “excuse me.”

Before I could get it out, he leapt out of my way, allowing me to pass by.

“Sorry!”  he said.

Headed to check out, I couldn’t quite shake our encounter. 

Why sorry? I thought.

Sorry that he was rocking reshelving? Sorry that I happened to choose the same narrow row to walk down? 

Being a person with the trait of high sensitivity, replaying and analyzing conversations is familiar territory for me, but the truth is that reflecting on our word selection is something we’d all benefit from. 

Why?

Our words have power. They send a message to ourselves and to others. And when chosen intentionally, they can influence our actions, increase our confidence, and propel us toward a more meaningful life. 

In his book It Takes What It Takes: How to Think Neutrally and Gain Control of Your Life, Trevor Moawad describes that what we verbalize to ourselves and others can be self-limiting. Moawad’s research suggests that when you speak something out loud, it’s 10 times more powerful than when you think it. And words with negative connotations are 4-7 times more powerful than neutral words.

Moawad concludes that your word choice can increase the probability that what you don’t want to happen will happen by 40-70 times.

If your goal is to declutter your home, and you speak aloud, “I can’t do this,” Moawad would say you’re 40-70 times more likely not to. And the same goes for any other goal you want to reach.

The words we speak have neurochemical implications and the ability to shape our behavior.

We listen to and believe ourselves more than anyone else. And so often we are our biggest obstacle. Small changes in our word choice can create big changes in our lives.

Here are 4 words to avoid to live a more intentional life:

Sorry

Apologizing at times when no apology is needed can undermine our confidence. Consider these examples.

So sorry, but could you please help me carry these?
Sorry, I just feel strongly about that.
Sorry, please go on by.

Reread these phrases and omit sorry. The latter leaves us feeling like our needs, our opinions and the very fact that we take up space matters. When we believe this, we drop the need to supplement our statements with “sorry.”

Begin limiting “I’m sorry” to the times you’ve wronged someone. You’ll appear more confident to others, feel more sure of yourself, and feel more empowered to reach your goals.

Try

When you’re going to do something, simply say you are. Leave out the word try. Consider these examples:

I’m going to try to declutter my closet.
I’m going to try to run a 5K.
I’m going to try to eat healthier.

Now reread those, omitting “try to.” Feel the difference? Which version makes you believe you’ll reach your goal? When you tell someone about your goal (or talk about it to yourself), confidently say you’re going to do it and the chances increase that you will. 

Hope

Using the word hope can be self-limiting. 

I hope I can get a promotion someday.
I hope I can declutter my kitchen.
I hope my vacation will be fun.

Of course you hope for these things. Why not speak them into existence? Life optimization coach David Nurse, author of Pivot & Go, talks about using our words to reach desired behavior. When we verbalize a goal, our subconscious begins believing we can achieve it and our actions support this. While you could omit “I hope,” Nurse suggests using a power word like “I know” or “I believe” to shift yourself out of a self-questioning state (I know I can declutter my kitchen). Your actions will be different based on what you say.

Can’t 

Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, your right.” Consider these examples:

I can’t figure out how to start decluttering.
I can’t find time for myself these days.
I just can’t build a capsule wardrobe that works for me.

Simply change “can’t” to “can.” Now, this doesn’t mean you’re called to do it all or should expect that of yourself. It does mean that if something is important to you, you pour into it, giving it your time, energy and attention. You may say, “I choose not to ___ because I’m going to ___ instead.” Omit the word can’t and your actions will become more intentional and in-line with what matters.

Moawad says “Monitor what you say out loud, and it will change your life.”

The first step toward allowing our word choice to support our best lives is awareness. One study found that even though most people believe they are self-aware, self-awareness is a truly rare quality—only 10%–15% of the people studied actually fit the criteria.

To develop self-awareness, choose one of the four words above and begin listening for it. Just observe. How often do you say the word? You might even make tallies. Then, begin omitting that word or substituting a power word in its place.

Small actions done consistently lead to big results. Avoiding self-questioning words frees us from living on autopilot, propels us toward our life goals, and allows us to live our best lives—lives of increased intention.

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Julia Ubbenga is a freelance journalist whose teachings on minimalism, simplicity, and intentional living have reached thousands of people worldwide through her blog. Julia practices what she preaches in her Kansas City apartment home with her husband, two extremely lively young daughters, and 9-month-old son. You can also find her on Instagram.

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I want to help you design a simple, intentional life! I’ve created a 30-day course that will guide and inspire you to declutter your home, heart and schedule, and live focused on what matters. Learn more HERE.