Why It’s Hard to Let Go of Our Possessions (And What to Do about It)

I sat in my car outside our local Goodwill drop off recently. I shifted the car into reverse, having just donated several large boxes, when a twinge of uneasiness struck. 

Did I really just donate that childhood keepsake?

The sinking feeling in my stomach was tangible.

It’s okay, I reassured myself, you still own another item that holds the same positive memories that you like much better.

This item was something that every time I saw it, I just wanted to donate it. It never sparked joy and wasn’t played with. All it did was take up space.

So why, then, when I finally donated it, was it, for a time, almost . . . painful?

Rationally, I was satisfied with my decision and action, but emotionally—at least for a few minutes—I was simply unsettled.

Turns out, research reveals a number of cognitive and emotional barriers that can make it difficult for us to let go of our possessions. 

Cognitively speaking, there’s . . .

• The mere-exposure effect – The more we are exposed to something, the more it will become favorable to us. We become attracted to our possessions simply by being regularly exposed to them. (Zajonc, 1968). (I see these books every day and feel like they just belong here, so I’ll keep them even though I don’t particularly like them.)

• The status quo bias – Any decrease from the status quo is perceived as a loss, even when there are financial advantages to selling or changing what we already possess (Kahneman, Knetsch, & Thaler, 1991). (I want to downsize my house, but I’ve always lived in one this size, so I probably won’t change.)

• The endowment effect – We overvalue things we own simply because we have ownership. We place a higher value on an item we own than on an identical item we don’t own (Kahneman et al., 1991). (I’m keeping this outfit because it’s mine, even though I don’t really need or use it.)

Emotionally speaking, there’s . . .

• Guilt – We feel bad for discarding items we spent good money on. Or, we feel like we should keep certain things that were gifts, even though we don’t want or use them. (I don’t want all this china, but it was my grandmother’s so I should keep it.)

• Fear – We’re afraid we’ll need an item in the future, so we keep it, even though we haven’t needed it in years. Or, we fear our memories of a person or event are linked to an item. We don’t want to lose the memory so we hold onto the item. (I don’t want all these souvenir magnets from when I traveled through Europe, but I’m afraid I’ll lose the memories if I get rid of them.)

Truth is, getting rid of possessions can be downright hard at times—even possessions that are unwanted and unloved.  While some items are certainly worth keeping, if you’re stuck with possessions you’d like to let go of, here’s how. 

Here are 7 tips to help you let go of your possessions:

1. Recognize biases 

When faced with an item you’re struggling to let go of, dig deep. Ask yourself questions to uncover any biases. 

Would you buy this item today? If yes, how much would you pay for it? Do you feel like you “should” keep it or do you actually love or use it? Are you afraid you’ll need it in the future or fear you’ll lose a memory if you donate it? Are you worried about what someone would think of you let go of it? 

By addressing the real reasons you’re hanging onto an item you don’t really want, the more able you’ll be to let it go.

2. Get clear on your values 

When you’re clear on your values, letting go of your possessions becomes easier.  Say you value your relationships above all, but you’re feeling unable to be present around family because of your cluttered home. Understanding that less stuff means more quality time with loved ones can override any of your reasons for holding onto unwanted possessions.

3. Loosen the attachment with time

If you’re feeling unable to let go of an item, store it away for a while. Remember we’re more biased to keep things we see daily (the mere-exposure effect mentioned above). After a couple months, revisit the item. See if your attachment has loosened and if it is now easier to let it go.

4. Realize memories stay when possessions go

Understand that your memories are stored in your mind, not in your stuff. With that being said, physical possessions can certainly trigger memories. Think of ways to continue tapping into important memories, without keeping the no-longer-wanted possessions. Take pictures of items before donating them. Keep a minimal amount of an item (one china tea cup instead of all 12). Realize that when you let go of one item you’re freeing up more physical and mental space, allowing you to live more fully in the moment and make new memories.

5. Forget other people’s opinions 

Let go of caring what others think and you’ll be more able to let go of possessions. If you’re holding onto something because it was a gift, realize the gift has already fulfilled its purpose (displayed love from someone). You’ve said thank you, felt the love, and are now free to let it go if you don’t need or love it. 

Also, avoid owning items simply to “keep up with the Joneses.” If you’re holding onto something as a status symbol, remember real happiness isn’t found in possessions. 

6. Overcome guilt with gratitude 

If rationally, you’ve decided you want to donate an item, but the emotional roadblock is real, then sit with it for a bit. Is guilt the cause?

Marie Kondo suggests using gratitude to help overcome guilt. She says, “Many people may feel guilty when letting go of items. By expressing gratitude toward the items you let go, it will lessen the feeling of guilt.”

Thanking an item for how it’s served you and feeling grateful it will now benefit someone else helps reduce guilt, which helps you let go.

7. Tap into trust

If you’re holding onto something simply because you’re afraid you’ll need it in the future, consider trusting you will have what you need when you need it. Say, for example, you own 15 cookbooks, only really use two, and keep the rest just in case you need a recipe from them sometime. Trust you can find that recipe online and let the unused books go. Someone else can use and love them if you do. 

Author Chuck Palahniuk said, “The things you own end up owning you.” 

The more unused and unloved things we own, the more tied down we feel as we devote more time and energy to maintaining them.

I encourage you to take a good look at the things in your home. Are your possessions adding value to your life or simply creating more work and clutter?

We become free to spend our time, energy, and attention on what matters when we finally let go.

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Julia Ubbenga is a freelance journalist whose teachings on minimalism, simplicity, and intentional living have reached thousands of people worldwide through her blog. Julia practices what she preaches in her Kansas City apartment home with her husband, two extremely lively young daughters, and newborn son. You can also find her on Instagram.