Build Stronger Relationships: Five Ways to be More Present to Loved Ones

My favorite benefit of living a minimalist lifestyle is more quality time with loved ones. Yes, quality time is my love language, so it makes sense that I’d be a fan of having less stuff to maintain and more time to spend with family and friends. 

Even though our lifestyle promotes more free time, it still takes effort to make this time “quality.” To consistently be present to the people around me, I’m finding, takes practice. 

Writer Leo Tolstoy said, “Remember that there is only one important time and it is Now. The present moment is the only time over which we have dominion. The most important person is always the person with whom you are, who is right before you.”

I want to show my husband and kids daily that they are important. More important than the dishes, a text message, the laundry, the countertop cleaning. Because they are. What’s more important in a home than the people in it? Nothing.

So why is it challenging to be present to them at times? Fatigue, distraction, to-do lists, and stress can all get in the way, pulling my awareness away from what matters most if I’m not careful. 

But even in the busiest times, I’m learning I can be more present to others if I’m intentional about it.

Here are 5 practices to be more present around loved ones and show a deeper interest in their lives:

1. Listen 

Active listening takes focus and intentionality in today’s distraction-filled world. Try taking a day where you decide to listen as much as you can. You might even take some time in silence that morning visualizing yourself listening more than talking. You might write the word “listen” somewhere you’ll see it often as a visual reminder (on the fridge maybe). Try asking reflective questions during conversation as you listen (ex,”I hear you saying next week will be pretty busy for you.”). What was it like listening more than talking? How many times did you have to stop yourself from responding before the other person was done talking? Did you learn more about the people around you today? 

2. Make eye contact

Looking someone in the eye sends the message “you are important.” When talking to your kids today, try getting down to their level and look them in the eye. Sustained eye contact creates feelings of trust. Your children will feel more important and connected to you from your eye contact. And you will feel more connected to them. Same goes with your spouse or friends. It’s a win, win!

3. Take notes after a conversation (and ask specific follow up questions later)

Would you like to remember conversations better? Take notes afterward. Have a notebook or notes app on your phone where you keep details you learn about people. Review these details regularly, then text or call people with specific follow-up questions. Maybe you jot down the date of a friend’s doctor appointment two weeks away, and, after reviewing your notes, remember to ask how it went. Or maybe you remember the name of the company your husband has an upcoming dinner meeting with because you wrote it down after a date-night discussion. Remembering details like this show people how much we care. But it’s hard to do without a memory strategy. Start taking notes on loved ones’ lives and increase your connection with them.

4. Use body language (Put your phone down)

Body language reflects whether or not we are really listening. Facial expressions, gestures, voice, and posture will reveal the emotions and motives underlying what you’re saying. This can speak louder than your words. For example, say your child asks you for help with something while you’re responding to a text. Which situation fosters connection? You give your child an affirmative response, but your eyes are still staring at the phone screen and your tone of voice is uninterested. Or, you reply yes while making eye contact (your phone has been put down) and your tone of voice is caring. The second example promotes connection, no question. Even if the text must be finished right then, a kind explanation to wait (eye contact being made) can show a children respect and importance. 

5. Carve out some one-on-one time

Taking time to individually connect with those around you each day, even if just for 10 minutes, can increase feelings of closeness (and emotional stability in kids). Maybe this looks like a walk around the block with your child. Or drinking coffee with your husband before your children wake up. Think about your daily schedule and ask yourself where you could carve out time to connect one-on-one with each person in your home. With multiple kiddos this gets tricky, but with some brainstorming, you’ll come up with some ideas (even if you have to change your current schedule slightly). I’ve started getting my daughter up 10 minutes earlier before school so just the two of us can have breakfast together before her two-year-old sister wakes up. This one-on-one time starts the day slowly, with increased connection.

Choose one of these ideas today and give it a try. Did you find yourself more present and connected to those around you? 

I’m sure you did. You might even notice positive behavior changes in people around you as they feel more valued and heard. 

Increasing our presence and connection with loved ones is something we can all work on daily. 

Let’s start increasing the strength and quality of our relationships today, one intentional moment at a time.